My relationship with California has always been complex. I was born in the Bay Area and raised in the San Joaquin Valley, which meant growing up in a small town with too little to do and too many people invested in reporting back on your actions. While to many the state represents freedom and wealth, living in California has always felt like living in my personal darkness.

Though the worst and most unbearable moments of my life have all occurred in Oregon, it has always rewarded me for my pain eventually through some mystical, pre-planned force. When something goes terribly wrong in California however, Ive always feel as though there will be no recovery and there usually is never any. Betrayal and pain feel incurable and progress seems to take 1000x more effort for desirable results. This theme has remained consistent throughout my childhood and now post-grad era.

It wasn’t until this particular summer in California that I felt grew to feel indebted to the villainous state whom everyone from far away seems to glamorize. I was sitting on the hood of my car, watching the sunset over the hill-filled yellow farmland I had been raised to recognize as home when a realization came to mind: California has made me comfortable with uncomfortable situations.

I can only hope these photos, most with elements of darkness and mystery, resonate with you in the way that they resonate with my experiences in the Golden State.